I never agreed with spanking. I now disconnect myself from that propaganda publically.
If you spank or are considering it, there’s more data showing how it was never good. As well, the Bible didn’t mean hitting a child ever in its original language, and/or what a small percentage of people promote at any given time.
“Aggression. Parents report that one of the misbehaviors most likely to elicit spanking is when a child acts aggressively (Holden, Coleman, & Schmidt, 1995). Beyond the irony of parents acting aggressively in order to reduce aggression in their children, does spanking reduce children’s aggression? The answer is, clearly and definitively, no. In all 27 of the relevant studies, spanking was associated with more, not less, aggression in children (Gershoff, 2002 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3768154/#R17)…
“Spanking consistently predicted increases in children’s aggression over time, regardless of how aggressive children were when the spanking occurred….
“Children learn by more complicated methods than just which behaviors elicit a punishment; indeed, successful socialization requires that children internalize reasons for behaving in appropriate and acceptable ways (Grusec & Goodnow, 1994). Spanking alone does not teach children why their behavior was wrong or what they should do instead (Hoffman, 1983). Rather, it teaches them that they must behave when the threat of physical punishment exists, but once the threat is gone, they have no reason to behave appropriately (Hoffman, 1983).”
I was spanked. I chose not to spank overall. I did, however, spank five times (Light pops on the behind. I also informed the parents each time. Three of five times were in agreement with the pops, but I wouldn’t do it again. Two times, the parent was graceful and said basically, you did what you had to, and stood behind me. Though I wouldn’t do it again in each instance): Each time, a different child, and subsequently appropriately apologized to them. In most of the five cases, spanking was accepted, even encouraged.
There are much more effective methods to raise children.
While in Texas for 21 years, I found it disturbing that church child rearing classes included spanking. Many people said, and I quote, “I was spanked and I turned out alright.” But their private behaviors and conversations told me otherwise. I myself kept quiet, but I wasn’t alright. I’ll share in a bit.
If certain classes during those 21 years had not included spanking, many chose to change and promote spanking with two Bible verses in mind (Everyone in Christian churches knows it. The interpretation of that verse to promote spanking, I now believe and I understand to have come from frustrated or aggressive parents. As well, a parent who was spanked, whether for the “right reasons” or not. I also understand there have been many divisions over the matter).
The Apostle Paul challenges fathers not to provoke their children to anger (Ephesians 6:4). I don’t think I need to expound.
“In addition to its ineffectiveness at changing children’s behavior, spanking is linked with a range of unintended and undesirable outcomes that thus can be thought of as adverse side effects. In a series of meta-analyses, spanking was associated with increases in mental health problems in childhood and adulthood, delinquent behavior in childhood and criminal behavior in adulthood, negative parent-child relationships, and increased risk that children will be physically abused (Gershoff, 2002).”
In my case, it was hurtful, very hurtful. About the time I was first spanked (give or take a year), many things were going on: I was around two years old when I became extremely self-aware (possibly because of my needing to be perfect and my desire to never disappoint my parents). I had a high enough fever I should have died. Frequent nightmares and sleep disturbances started. My desire to do the right thing to not be spanked anymore went up naturally as I was doing a lot correctly. I was also getting lost in art, music, scientific experiments and Theology when my parents were busy. I obeyed, yet was confused when spanking continued. It happened when I would be crying to the point of incomprehension. While trying to express how I felt bullied sometimes, the focus was not on the wrong done to me. An angry spirit told me to “get my tone of voice right.” If I didn’t, I was spanked again.
I also had at least two major languages in my mind, as well as smatterings of many others in my daily life. I also had a plethora of great behaviors to choose from. But I got spanked when I misunderstood things, or picked good, but non-church of Christ behaviors (too big a subject to write on now. However, when I share with you, it will make sense).
I had to be a reflection of a perfect church of Christ member, even before I chose baptism. Mind you, not a reflection of Jesus, but of the CoC. I now understand and believe in the wisdom of infant baptism (too big to go into). I was also nervous on and off, not wanting to offend my perfect parents.
But then throw in a lot of ignorance. We were privately listening to the great music of the world. Apparently the perfect way to sing, according to the CoC, is in church and with no instruments. So we were never encouraged to take instrument lessons-partly because of money, partly ideology. Though when I picked up guitar, that was accepted, but not in church. I always played the good stuff. My parents danced in the hallway when they felt we weren’t watching. I loved that. It was as if they were ashamed of this beautiful God-given practice.
So privately, I got deeper into Theology, Art, music, science and anything that made the world better.
In short, I wasn’t ever aggressive. I received punishment for language and cultural misunderstanding, asking help when bullied, asking general life questions (and was made to believe I was too young to understand,) for being caught telling another child to stop hurting me (me with a strong tone after they continued to pick on me, asking them politely to stop many times), and other natural reasons. Reasons most non-coc functional parents would teach, time out or train in love.
A child’s parents should be their first advocates (when a child has evidence of being picked on), spiritual leaders (with right questions), and so much more. They are to be the child’s first safe place: Protection, food, clothing, shelter and educator.
My parents are the best people in many senses. 24 years ago they apologized for spanking me. They got a lot right, and other things, well…I love them and it’s forgiven. My faith must be directed from above, for even the best parents make mistakes. I made this clear to my daughter when she was adopted at 15 years of age. Her faith is hers to build, my love for her is forever, and will keep the door open always.
It’s my perspective, but I find it interesting that many who espouse spanking seem to think that honoring parents means to continually submit to and please their parents upon being adults. Honor is gratitude to the people God used to give me life. Ultimate authority belongs to God, mine is accountability to that ultimate authority. My prayer is to continue growing in my faith, and being as loving and forgiving in the process.
Let me stop there with my early years’ experience.
I also have found it interesting that while in Texas, an overall promoter of spanking, aggression came across loud and clear. I saw too much intercultural fighting, “church wars,” disrespecting even vilanizing well-thought through opinions that didn’t adhere with whatever powers that be (regardless of race, creed, ideology, etc). Lots of unnatural fear, judgmentalism and “punishing others” via gaslighting and ghosting if people didn’t agree with said person’s point of view. It’s everywhere in TX. It’s the norm.
I don’t want to live in a world like that.
Thank God most are not like that. I don’t want authoritarianism and fundamentalism to not be balanced by Godly reason, goodness and mercy.
That’s all for now. I’m done.
Article: Spanking and Child Development: We Know Enough Now To Stop Hitting Our Children
